Bailey’s Testimony – Maple Lake Academy

I was 13 when I emerged from the woods after a long and grueling 3 months at wilderness. I was 13 when they took me to Maple Lake Academy; I was a child. I still had hope at that point.

When my parents wrote a letter to me during my stay at wilderness telling me I was going to a therapeutic boarding school in Utah, I wasn’t too devastated. I thought it would be fun in a place with horses and cats surrounded by mountains. Little did I know what I was about to get into. When they checked me in, they told me to sign a contract ensuring my compliance. At this point I couldn’t decline, so I signed it, went to my room, unpacked, and hugged my mother and my grandmother goodbye. It was November 29th, 2018.

While I may not remember most of what happened most of the following months, the things I do remember are the vile ways of punishing, silencing, and using me and my peers. I wasn’t compliant in the beginning. I remember getting verbally aggressive, but nothing further. I never laid a hand on another peer, at least for that first while. I was angry because of the unfair rules, and everyone hated me for it. I was constantly put on a “status” which would either grant me less privileges, like not being able to listen to music or go off campus, or it would strip me of being able to use the bathroom without the door shut and not having to be next to a staff member at all times. The latter status was called “red light” and the former “yellow light.” It felt belittling; since most of us were on the autism spectrum, we were used to being treated like small children, and despite trying to be “inclusive”

Maple Lake was rather condescending towards us with more prominent social issues. My peers would attack me in the group sessions, calling me anything from a disruption to straight up abusive and manipulative. I just wanted to leave. I told my parents such, and the response would always be “stop being over dramatic, they’re helping you!” because the therapists lied about what actually happened. I would refuse to do some of the strange tasks they made us do for recreational therapy, which usually involved heavy lifting, often of my peers, or something touch oriented. I wanted nothing to do with my peers, but they forced me to be handled by them. They often dropped me or had to put me down because of my weight and height.

Eventually, I got let on a home pass over Christmas break. I took my phone out from its hiding spot and used it to contact my friends and tell them where I was. My parents found out, told Maple Lake, and they told my parents to have me transported back there. It was Christmas eve when they took me. Once I got back, they took my gifts and didn’t give them to me because they were considered mail and people on red status weren’t allowed any contact with their parents outside of family therapy, which is closely monitored by a therapist. I eventually convinced the staff that those were my Christmas gifts and that I wanted to open them, so they let me.

Shortly after Christmas break, I was getting more and more volatile, so their solution was to put me on the lowest of statuses, reserved for suicide attempts and runners. They dragged my mattress out to the living room for everyone to see and said I couldn’t talk to anyone. I had to write essays to get off. I did a ton of “therapeutic” paperwork, all with a crayon because they thought I’d hurt myself with a pencil. That was for about 2 weeks, then they moved me to a room by myself. I had nothing there. Just blankets, a half-used journal, and a crayon. Again, I wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone, not even the staff or my parents. That lasted for 2 1/2 months, from January to March. Near the end, I grew delirious, and I saw people that weren’t there telling me to get out. I couldn’t go outside, so I gained some weight, which they punished me for by restricting my food intake. They only removed me from isolation because they had “given up” on ways to control me.

I, too, had decided I had had enough of this place. I came out angry, and I took it out on my peers. None of them deserved it. I feel terrible about some of the things I’d done in those moments.

Eventually, they took us on some sort of outing, which was camping somewhere for a weekend. I felt so defeated I began to actually accept the brainwashing. That was my “awakening” during the program. I became more malleable and complaint, and in turn, they gave me privileges. I could walk unmonitored for 15 minutes, I could listen to music, and I could get away with certain things.

I was still traumatized by the things I’d seen happen to my peers, like the restraints that they did on the aggressive ones, but I mostly kept it to myself until it happened, which it did often. A student even got so violent as to give a staff a concussion. A nurse yelled at a student and pushed her out of her office while I was in the room because we dared to speak out against the terrible medical care there. I fell off a horse they forced me to ride and did something to my already deformed hip joint, which they did nothing about.

Near the end of my stay, I got more and more privileges, resulting in my further compliance. I left on August 26th, 2021. Once I got out, I felt so free yet so trapped by all the habits. I went to school and quickly discovered all the things they kept from us, like trends and such. I struggle with flashbacks and nightmares. Sometimes I dissociate so far from reality I forget I even did something. People tell me all the time that it “made me stronger” and such, but they don’t understand the agony of remembering the terrible things there.

I’m not strong, I’m broken and afraid.

I refuse to tell anyone about my feelings because I’m scared of getting sent back.

This is my story, and I hope it won’t be a loved one’s.

-Bailey C.