{"id":17307,"date":"2022-04-26T22:31:32","date_gmt":"2022-04-27T05:31:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/?p=17307"},"modified":"2022-06-10T16:27:28","modified_gmt":"2022-06-10T23:27:28","slug":"megs-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/megs-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Meg’s Testimony – Chrysalis School and Intermountain Hospital (2001 – 2004)"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div><\/div><\/span>

Meg’s Testimony – Chrysalis School and Intermountain Hospital<\/h1><\/span>
<\/div><\/div><\/div>
<\/div><\/div><\/span>

2001 – 2004<\/h3><\/span>
<\/div><\/div><\/div>
<\/div><\/div>

I was 15 years old in February of 2001 when I was abducted in the middle of the night by two people who told me that I had to \u201ccome with them\u201d. They were very clear about my lack of choice in the matter by stating \u201cwe can do this the easy way or the hard way\u201d. After being forced to go to the bathroom and change out of my pajamas in front of them, they put me in a black SUV and drove me to LAX airport to board a plane.<\/p>\n

I later found out that my parents had consulted with at least 3 \u201cexperts\u201d before making the decision for me to be abducted and sent away.\u00a0 There was an education consultant, a pediatrician, the transport company that suggested I needed to be taken in the middle of the night, and a forensic psychiatrist.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div>

I arrived at Intermountain Children’s Hospital in Boise, Idaho later that day. Intermountain is a completely locked down residential treatment center for severely disturbed children. The staff took all my belongings and my shoes to search for contraband. Everything, except my shoes, was returned to me. I didn’t receive my shoes for 3 days and it was in the dead of winter with snow on the ground. I spent the next 6 months at this lockdown facility.<\/p>\n

Things that I experienced during my time there:<\/p>\n

1. Extreme fear of doing the wrong thing at any point that would result in getting in trouble<\/p>\n

2. No access to healthy foods or proper exercise which ended in me gaining 60 lbs during my 6-month stay.<\/p>\n

3. Forced medication for disorders I did NOT have, and they refused to listen to me<\/p>\n

4. Felt completely drugged the entire time and was on very high doses of anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, and anti-seizure medications.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

5. During \u201clockdowns\u201d we were forced to stay in our room and were not allowed to leave for 24-48 hours. During this time we had to write copious amounts of essays. We were not allowed to speak during this time. Lockdowns happened when our \u201cgroup milieu\u201d dropped below where they wanted it to be.<\/p>\n

6. Virtually no contact with parents. We had one call once a week with a case manager.<\/p>\n

7. No family therapy the entire stay<\/p>\n

8. Witnessed COUNTLESS physical and chemical restraints when they would call a code and staff would rush in from other units and restrain children by pushing them to the floor on their stomach and having staff sit on each limb, and one with their knee in between the child\u2019s shoulder blades. Then, another staff would come over, pull the child’s pants down and shoot them up with medications that would immobilize them. Then they would carry the child to the \u201cQR\u201d or \u201cQuiet Room\u201d. Often times in the QR, they would restrain the child to the bed in the QR so when they woke up they could not move. They then would lock the child in the QR. If the child woke up and wasn\u2019t restrained, you would hear the child thrashing themselves against the door and walls. There was one small window on the QR door and you\u2019d see the child banging on the window screaming to be let out.<\/p>\n

Then, in August of 2001, I was transferred to Chrysalis School, which was located in Northern Montana right next to the Canadian Border in the middle of nowhere. At first glance, Chrysalis was a complete relief after spending my time completely locked up. While Chrysalis seemed like a place where we had choices because there were no locked doors, the reality is that they controlled your choices by having complete control over you by using techniques very reminiscent of cults. Chrysalis was a big log cabin house with a huge green and lush yard and even had a huge horse pasture with 6-8 horses. It was set up, in every way, like a family home. I filled up the program when I arrived which consisted of only 10 girls, and our two therapists (who were married), and we all lived together in the log cabin\u2026just like a family. In fact, we were even taught to think of ourselves as family and referred to ourselves as \u201cChrysalis family\u201d, and \u201cChrysalis sisters\u201d.<\/p>\n

Mary seemed to be a very sweet lady with a big smile and seemed very caring, and in a lot of ways, she was. Kenny was a big guy and very intimidating in the way he carried himself. Every girl was DESPERATE to be his favorite girl or to just be liked in general by him. He made it very obvious who his favorite girls were. If you were one of Kenny\u2019s favorites, or if he was happy with you, he would come up behind you and grab you really hard by the back of the neck and squeeze hard. IT actually never felt good at all, but it didn\u2019t matter because no girl ever asked him to not do it. After all, it meant he liked you. Plus, you don\u2019t EVER give Kenny feedback\u2026.that will never ever end well. Here are some of my experiences with Chrysalis:<\/p>\n

1. Food restrictions- we were not allowed to have certain foods, and the foods we were allowed to have were restricted. We were never allowed to have milk, except on special occasions because it is expensive. If you were caught having the foods that we weren\u2019t allowed to have then you would likely receive a 30-minute consequence OR would go on a BAN of that food for some time.<\/p>\n

2. Attack therapy- At Chrysalis, this was called Circle. Circle is what they called a type of group therapy. We would sit in a literal circle, usually in the living room of the house. We would start with talking about announcements or house business. Then, we would start and someone would raise their hand. As SOON as you see someone’s hand go up to speak you KNEW there was a chance you\u2019re about to be in the hot seat and have an endless attack on something you did, or maybe even who you are.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

The person that was called on would \u201cconfront\u201d someone with something they have done. Usually, circle time and these confrontations with others were used in a way to show Mary and Kenny that you’re \u201cdoing the work\u201d. The more you’re able to hold people accountable for their actions, the more of a \u201cleader\u201d you are in the house. Oftentimes things would be brought up that weren\u2019t even true, but it didn’t matter. Once something was brought up, it would be a domino effect of girls in the circle saying \u201cecho\u201d in agreement, and many girls raising their hand at a chance to be able to say pretty much the same thing in a different way too so they can be seen as a leader too. So, around in a circle they would sit and confront this one person until it stopped. If you were the one being confronted you couldn\u2019t speak. If you did, you had to be careful not to say anything defensively. Usually, the best thing to say after everything was \u201cThank you for your feedback.”<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t matter if the person who was being confronted was crying, people would continue. Oftentimes if you cried, they would tell you that it was defensiveness. For me, they labeled me as \u201cdramatic\u201d, so if I cried I would often be called dramatic.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div>

Through the 3 years I was there, circle was used as a tool to break me down to believe I am NOTHING, and that I am not good enough. I remember a circle VERY well in the beginning, soon after I arrived at Chrysalis where Kenny and Mary told me that I am the only one to blame for being sent away. They told me that I have an abrasive personality and that I am like \u201ca porcupine\u201d. They told me that I will never be accepted in society or have friends if I don\u2019t change my personality. They told me that I was only16, so I had a chance still if I worked really hard. But, If I didn’t change I wouldn\u2019t lead the life that I wanted. They told me they were the only hope in me being able to change, I just had to be willing. This was the start of the brainwashing that occurred.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div>

Every circle, they would strip chunks of who I was away over and over until I was a completely blank slate and could become who I thought they wanted.<\/p>\n

If I remember correctly, we had circle 3-4 times a week and they usually lasted 1.5-2 hours. However, there were many occasions where they would go on for 6+ hours. I remember so many times that we wouldn’t get to bed until at least 11pm on school nights because of circle (and we were required to be up by 5:30ish to get ready for school).<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u00a0Sleep Deprivation- For the 3 years I was in Chrysalis, I am not sure I ever got a full 9-9.5 hours of sleep per night (which is what is recommended for teens). We were always so busy with having chores to complete, circles that lasted until late, school, workouts, and homework that needed to be completed after school. Sleep never was a priority.<\/li>\n
  2. Forced workouts- In the summer, and for those who were homeschooled, we had to get up at 6am and either do a 3-5 miles run with Kenny or a long (14-mile) bike ride with Mary. This wasn\u2019t an option and if you refused to work out you would receive a consequence, and if it happened enough you\u2019d likely lose a level.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

    3. Forced Labor- We had to complete chores every single day and it usually took about 2 hours to complete, and it had to be immaculate.<\/p>\n

      \n
    • Examples of things that were chores:\n
        \n
      • Meals- every day you had to cook all the meals and clean up all the dishes for each meal<\/li>\n
      • Animals- had to get up early (5:30) and feed all the horses, dogs, cats (and at one time, Pigs) before you ate. If you ate before the animals ate, you would receive a consequence<\/li>\n
      • Bathrooms- all the bathrooms on the property were your responsibility and they had to be immaculate. Staff checked your work and if it wasn\u2019t good enough, you got a consequence AND had to redo it<\/li>\n
      • Vehicles- You were responsible for washing all of the vehicles every week. We had 4-5 vehicles, and sometimes we had to wash the staff’s cars too<\/li>\n
      • Floors- responsible for vacuuming and washing all the floors in the house that week. On deep clean days, you oftentimes had to use a toothbrush on the wood floors and a toothpick for stuff stuck in between plants<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        4. Inappropriate physical contact- Kenny would put on wrestling matches and we would wrestle with us on the ground. Then, I remember Kenny got some kind of allegation from a former student, and then we weren’t allowed to wrestle with Kenny anymore. After that, he would just have the girls wrestle with each other. Oftentimes, Kenny would, like I explained, come up to you and grab you on the back of the neck and squeeze really hard. He also would put his arm around you and\/or let the girls cuddle up next to him on the couch. If you were sitting with him in the car, and he was in a good mood and you were on good terms with him, he would reach over and slap your knee really hard and grab it and squeeze (to make it tickle). What was strange is that every girl loved this, because it meant that he liked you. Kenny and Mary would also give us hugs a lot.<\/p>\n

        5. Medical Neglect: You were not allowed to complain at Chrysalis, and if you did you were labeled dramatic (like I was). So, If I ever got hurt I had to not talk about this. I hurt myself in basketball (which I found out years later was a torn tendon) and Kenny refused to take me to the dr. MANY girls have horror stories about the severe medical neglect that they experience. I saw Kenny make girls work out while they were very obviously severely injured. You were only taken into town for a Dr. appointment on very rare occasions. I have had many surgeries as an adult, that could have been helped when I was young by doing physical therapy or getting help for the injuries.<\/p>\n

        6. Parental contact- On levels 1 and 2 you weren’t allowed to have any contact with your parents that wasn\u2019t supervised (it took me 1.5 years to get to level 2). Then, on level 3 you can contact your parents without staff hearing (but level 3 is not given very often). IF you were to say something negative about chrysalis on your weekly one-hour phone call with your parents, it would affect your freedom so severely that no girls ever did it.<\/p>\n

        7. Contact with the outside world- No contact with anyone who wasn\u2019t on your \u201capproved list\u201d. The approved list was a list of people that your parents and Mary and Kenny decided you’re allowed to write letters to.<\/p>\n

        8. Schooling- On level 1 you were forced to do the home school at Chrysalis. I had NO TEACHER, only the staff members that had no teaching credentials were there and would try and help the best they knew how. Once on level 2, you can go to the public school and go to school there. Even though you are at the public school and have a \u201csense of freedom\u201d, you’re not able to leave the property at ALL, and you are also not allowed to speak to anyone in the school that Kenny deems as \u201cunapproved\u201d. So all the kids in the high school who have drank or done any drugs, then Kenny would put them on the unapproved list. Many of the Chrysalis girls went to the high school at the same time, so if you spoke to anyone who was unapproved, the other girls would see. Then, those girls would bring it up to you and confront you in circle and you would get in trouble.<\/p>\n

        9. Public defamation by Kenny- If a girl did something bad enough to be kicked out, or ran away from Chrysalis, he would tell all the girls that the person who left isn’t to be trusted and that they \u201cnever worked the program\u201d or are an \u201cidiot\u201d or some other insult to sway our opinion of them to make us hate them.<\/p>\n

        10. The list of rules at Chrysalis was ENDLESS and they were not written down anywhere, so you had to memorize them all. Plus, rules got added all the time and you wouldn’t find out until one was broken. We\u2019re talking about absolutely ridiculous rules that serve no purpose other than to control everything we do. Here are some examples:<\/p>\n

          \n
        • No workout clothes on the couch<\/li>\n
        • One spoonful of sugar in your tea<\/li>\n
        • No bare feet in the house (only socks)<\/li>\n
        • No one is allowed in a building where there isn’t staff<\/li>\n
        • 5-minute showers<\/li>\n
        • No listening to rap music ever- rap is considered a \u201cbad influence\u201d<\/li>\n
        • If you do ANYTHING too much, they will create a ban for you<\/li>\n
        • If you do something they deem as inappropriate with someone else, they will put you on a 10-foot rule, where you\u2019re not allowed to be within 10 feet of them at any time.<\/li>\n
        • No eating ice<\/li>\n
        • No forgetting things, ever<\/li>\n
        • No talking during consequences<\/li>\n
        • No salt on foods if the staff thought it was salty enough<\/li>\n
        • Not allowed to run too slow in a workout<\/li>\n
        • No skipping workouts<\/li>\n
        • No expressing yourself with your hair<\/li>\n
        • No talking about your sexual identity or sexuality<\/li>\n
        • No talking about LGBTQIA+ if you are<\/li>\n
        • You can talk about rape in groups, but you can\u2019t talk about rape if you’re a lesbian and it involved \u201cany homosexual topics\u201d<\/li>\n
        • One slice of cake on your birthday, no seconds<\/li>\n
        • No asking why we had to do something<\/li>\n
        • Must be excused from the table<\/li>\n
        • Only 1 scoop of granola<\/li>\n
        • No responding to feedback in circle<\/li>\n
        • No going to bed before 9:30, ever<\/li>\n
        • And etc etc etc<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

          11. Consequences- At Chrysalis, you get consequences for anything you do that is undesirable. Everything from accidentally leaving your sweatshirt in the living room overnight to lying, stealing, or the more severe offenses. Consequences usually take place in 30-minute increments, so if you receive 4 consequences in 1 day, you\u2019ll have to work off 2 hours of consequences before you can be included in anything fun. Consequences were usually things like shoveling horse manure, moving heavy rocks or gravel from one side of the yard to the other using a wheelbarrow, deep cleaning floors with a toothbrush, washing logs of the log cabin, etc.<\/p>\n

          12. If you had ever drank or done any drug you were forced to go to NA\/AA, however, if you were in trouble for any reason, you wouldn\u2019t be allowed to NA\/AA. Some people legitimately relied on going to meetings every week in their recovery, but if you had consequences to do, or were in trouble, you weren\u2019t allowed to go. Treatment was, in effect, held hostage.<\/p>\n

          13. Anti-LGBTQ+- There were quite a few bisexual or lesbian girls who ended up coming to Chrysalis throughout my years there, but they were not allowed to talk about their sexuality EVER. Mary and Kenny seemed to be VERY anti-LGBTQ+ and I remember asking why the girls couldn’t talk about anything regarding their sexuality and Kenny told me that it was inappropriate to talk about it in a school full of girls, because it could make the other girls uncomfortable. It was permitted to talk about traumatic past experiences in circle regarding sex, but if it was homosexual in nature then girls were able to talk about it at all.<\/p>\n

          14. Made to think leaving at 18 years old wasn’t an option because I would lose respect from Mary and Kenny. I ended up staying until I was 18.5 years old and about to go to college. I did this because I was made to believe it was so important to \u201cgraduate the program\u201d for the course of my life<\/p>\n

          15. Complete control over our lives- By having complete control over every little decision, they made us feel like we literally needed them in our lives. Even when we were at home on home visits we had to follow the rules. So, whatever the rules were at Chrysalis, we had to follow them while at home on a visit. So, because we are only allowed to wear one-piece bathing suits in Chrysalis, we were not allowed to wear one while with our parents at home. If it came out that we wore one, we would get in serious trouble and it would be seen as \u201cnot working the program\u201d and \u201cdishonesty\u201d.<\/p>\n

          This control extended far beyond just while we were in the program too. I remember when I was a freshman in college, I got an email from Mary which said:<\/p>\n

          \u201cI’ve heard that you’ve been partying. I needed to let you know that I heard it and give you a chance to respond to my concern if it’s true.<\/i><\/p>\n

          Love,<\/i><\/p>\n

          M\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

          I was 19 years old, and in college, but she felt the need to still control me from afar. It worked too, I responded with how sorry I was and how I hoped for forgiveness from them.<\/p>\n

          What\u2019s wild is that outsiders underestimate the power that these types of programs have over your life FAR beyond just during your time there. I left Chrysalis as a \u201ccomplete believer\u201d of the program and it stayed that way until I was around 33 years old and the suicide of one of my Chrysalis sisters happened. She suffered deeply from the abuse she had been through as a teen, and with the chronic illness, she lived with every day. This caused me to look at my life and analyze things.<\/p>\n

          I spent 3 years at Chrysalis and 3.5 years total away from home (2001-2004).\u00a0 My entire adolescence was spent in fear.\u00a0 What I found was that the abuse and brainwashing I went through as a kid had primed me for future abuse. It taught me to 1) Always be silent, never stand up for yourself 2) I am not worth much 3) I am inherently \u201cbad\u201d and people won’t accept me. After leaving the program I found myself in abusive relationship after abusive relationship and even married two of those. I also suffered DAILY with crippling anxiety, panic attacks, dissociation, and insomnia. The moment I \u201cwoke up\u201d and realized all these symptoms and series of unfortunate events were all connected to the abuse I experienced as a child, is the moment my life started to make sense.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":17318,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"acf":[],"cp_meta_data":{"_edit_lock":["1654903516:2"],"_edit_last":["2"],"_thumbnail_id":["17318"],"_fusion":["a:16:{s:25:\"show_first_featured_image\";s:2:\"no\";s:4:\"fimg\";a:2:{s:5:\"width\";s:0:\"\";s:6:\"height\";s:0:\"\";}s:17:\"post_links_target\";s:2:\"no\";s:7:\"bg_full\";s:2:\"no\";s:17:\"slider_visibility\";s:51:\"small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility\";s:12:\"main_padding\";a:2:{s:3:\"top\";s:0:\"\";s:6:\"bottom\";s:0:\"\";}s:15:\"content_bg_full\";s:2:\"no\";s:20:\"image_rollover_icons\";s:7:\"default\";s:9:\"bg_repeat\";s:7:\"default\";s:11:\"slider_type\";s:2:\"no\";s:9:\"wooslider\";s:1:\"0\";s:19:\"blog_page_title_bar\";s:7:\"default\";s:17:\"content_bg_repeat\";s:7:\"default\";s:13:\"posts_sidebar\";s:15:\"default_sidebar\";s:15:\"posts_sidebar_2\";s:15:\"default_sidebar\";s:14:\"sidebar_sticky\";s:7:\"default\";}"],"_fusion_google_fonts":[""],"fusion_builder_status":["active"],"elegant_typography":[""],"om_disable_all_campaigns":[""],"avada_post_views_count":["1149"],"avada_today_post_views_count":["2"],"avada_post_views_count_today_date":["24-04-2024"],"_sq_old_slug":["?p=17307"]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17307"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17307"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17307\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17318"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17307"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17307"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unsilenced.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17307"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}