Anonymous’ Cedar Breaks Academy Testimony

2006

It has been 16 years and there is some stuff that will always stick with me. I feel like this place robbed all the happiness from our childhood and created this nightmare that just won’t go away. I find myself like tonight thinking back to the experience. I will always remember getting off a plane with my parents late at night in Vegas and having the transport team drive me hours away to Parowan. I remember being half asleep when we arrived and doing intake. Being told as a 15 year old girl that I need to strip for check in and if I didn’t they would have one of the males come in and force me.

I will always remember the first therapy session a couple hours later still tired and having a therapist (Destry) yell at me in hopes to break me down in front of the other girls. He always won and he always did this with everyone’s first day.

The first girl that was nice to me had been there a while. She had really short hair and later I found out that they had cut it as punishment and had taken her on a parade as the staff and students laughed at her. I remember my first one on one therapy session where I cried and begged to call my mom. A few days later I was put into the lowest level (orange) for major manipulation. We had to wear orange jumpsuits that had huge holes in the legs that sometimes went all the way up. Being level orange meant you lost all privileges. We were not allowed to go to school. They either had us do these extreme workouts, clean all day, or sit in a corner. I will always remember a day they worked all of us extra hard. The 50 up downs that we couldn’t get in sync and had to start over. Or the 50 pushes up as well as 3 count jumping jacks.

I will always be thankful for the few staff who intervened to pull girls to the side who were on the verge of passing out. But there was still those staff that enjoyed tormenting us. I’m thinking about you Adrian and your demented smile. How you loved working with the girls in orange to punish them and how you laughed about how you were playing fetch with your bulldog who got overheated and just fell over and died. I remember the staff who got three of us to smash down the trash in the big bin then laughed about how you finally had taken out the trash and made us stand in there to tell other staff. I remember you Mrs. Hawkins who held a therapy session as a teacher. How you had all the girls tell me three things that are wrong with me. I remember my first therapist there who favored a student that he kept taking off campus home.

I remember how this program wanted us girls to turn on each other. The taunting of telling us to run so you can tackle us. To forcing a student who was vegetarian to eat meat. Then when you got in trouble for that, you made the most spiciest meal you can as payback. How you refused to send out most of my letters due to “manipulation,” and stole treats sent from our parents for staff. To the random strip searches to trashing our rooms. How we had to ask to cross out of the bathroom and how I wasn’t allowed to take home my journal. I remember the night terrors I had there while being in orange. The fear of getting in trouble for crying when I didn’t mean to. I am thankful to the night lady who comforted me and calmed me down during those. At that age, I didn’t know what I was experiencing and am thankful that I wasn’t alone. I never told anyone in fear of her getting in trouble. I was also thankful for Matt the therapist who was really trying to help us girls. I am thankful that my mom did a surprise visit and witnessed the abuse and got me out. Even though you tried telling her she couldn’t. I feel guilt that I had to leave the other girls. I promised to reach out to your parents but my mom was taken off the list so fast. I don’t remember everything. But I do know I never did a hike, never went swimming, and everything else you advertised. You crossed way too many lines and let the power go to your head.