Aimee’s Uinta Academy Testimony

I was 12 years old when I entered the TTI and my first official residential program was in Cache Valley, Utah—known as Uinta Academy. I was initially told I was going on a vacation to see my dad’s girlfriend’s (at the time) friend, “Sam.” We flew to Utah from Arizona because I had to flee to Arizona from New York because of trauma with my mom. I lived in Arizona for around a little over one year and 1/2 until being sent to wards which eventually led to inpatient stays, which led to the TTI. I was sent to Uinta Academy for 5+ suicide attempts, writing death notes, and self-harming and working on my trauma. I got to Uinta on October 2nd, 2018. I remember feeling so angry and sad that I was being sent away from home without any notice.

Within my first month, me and a fellow peer planned to run away and kill ourselves to escape this cruel place. After a bit, one of the staff found our plan, and we got sentenced to a long-term punishment called; Reflection. Which was a punishment where you would have to do written assignments, and chores, stay up late, and clean after people to earn points back. This took many months to complete. After this initial plan, we were talked to and yelled at for our “wrongdoings” while trying to save ourselves. I thought this place would help me, but it left me feeling horrible, more suicidal, and more depressed.

After a few months, I was pulled into my therapist’s office and told the worst news I’ve ever heard “Aimee, your mom has passed.” I was in shock, not only shock, disbelief that as told years after it happened. My therapist, dad, and dad’s ex-girlfriend (present-day) all concluded it would be the best thing to do, to lie to the only child of an ill mother that died. Not only lying to me about when, but how, where they found the source from, and everything. After this news, I was put at arm’s length, had no privacy, and had to sleep in the hallway. With nothing. I understand to keep me safe, but it isn’t the most comforting to make me sleep where I have no privacy or anything. This was just the start of it.

After a few months passed, I got out of it, but only for a short time. I was constantly self-harming, trying to kill myself and do anything I could at Uinta to end my life. I turned 13, 14, and 15 at Uinta and never saw my family once on my birthday. I remember my anxiety started to heighten, and I’d throw up. Instead of helping me when I was desperately asking and struggling, I’d be dragged around, yelled at, and even punished for these actions. My vomiting wasn’t intentional. They punished me because my anxiety got so bad that I’d throw up, and I wasn’t using “anxiety skills” to cope. This resulted in me crying in the bathroom, hiding my throw-up, swallowing my throwing or throwing up in the garage, and having to clean it up by myself when I was not even conscious. This went on for years.

I was also severely bullied at this RTC, and I was the youngest one in the program out of all the four houses, which also played a part in my depression. Girls would gang up on me and bully me. The things the girls would do were things I’d get in trouble for. One of the girls, 17, she would take my point card, rip it up, and flush it down the toilet. For that, I’d get in trouble and get a consequence of -25,000 points for “losing it” Meanwhile, it was a group of girls that were doing this to me. I’d take the blame always.

Around 2020 and 2021, my dad lived in Tucson, Arizona, with his girlfriend. They were dating at the time, and when I’d have scheduled phone calls with her, she’d yell at me; scold me and talk to me like it was dread. I remember crying to her and telling her I was sad about my mom, and her response was, “Aimee, you’re not allowed to mourn; I’m sick of this bullshit.” I put that on speakerphone for the staff and all the girls to hear. They were in disbelief. After my dad’s girlfriend found out that I had done that, I was guided to talk to her in a family session and say, “what I did was wrong. I made you mad, and I’m sorry.” I was forced to apologize for the wrongdoings of someone else. She was an extremely abusive person and figure in my time at all my residentials, and her previous plan was to have me stay at Uinta until I was 18, so I could live and build a sustainable life for myself so she didn’t have to take care of me.

I was threatened if I didn’t get better, they would send me away to Wilderness, of course. I faked being safe; I hated being watched all the time in the shower and forced to eat. I didn’t want to be sent to the woods, so I pretended I was better. Another horrible structure Uinta had was we only got 15-minute showers, even in the winter when people like other people and I would fall in the mud of the corral and be covered in shit and mud from the horses. We only got 15 minutes to shower, and if we were a minute over, you would get in trouble.

Another thing that was horrible and has led to my anorexia today is food portioning. We were only allowed to have portioned foods, and we had to use measuring cups, and if we wanted more food, we’d have to get a second serving of vegetables. Additionally, it was more traumatic because they would force us to eat foods that we hated. I, I’m a very picky eater. I hate most foods and drinks. We were allowed to have a one food. Mine was cheese. When they would make bean and cheese quesadillas, I’d be forced to eat the beans by it self. Beans are another food I will forever hate and would throw up from. They’d make me miss school to eat foods I’d eventually throw up from. They’d force me to sit at the table and watch me eat.

Anytime I had phone calls with my dad, to tell him what was going on, the staff would take the phone and claim I was lying or hang up. I will acknowledge only very few things helped me through Uinta. The cats, Atlas, Willow and Nala, and only 4 staff were able to understand me. In the winter of 2021, I was told I was graduating on February 17, 2021. I was excited but internally disappointed that I felt worse then when I got there.

After I graduated. I went back to Arizona for one day, and then ended up getting sent to another residential, in Arizona, Sedona Sky Academy. This was in Rimrock, Arizona. I got there February 19, 2021. I stayed there until March 15, 2022 when my father pulled me out of there. Here was not as bad but didn’t help at all. I’m diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder I have a really hard time making friends, understanding social situations and comprehending situations that may be serious but I don’t see them as that. I’d get in trouble for not finishing school work the day it’s due when I was working on trauma and was also bullied at this residential. I learned from my first residential to not be honest about how you were feeling because instead of helping me, they’d punish you. This place had their pros as I would still struggle with throwing up and instead of scolding me they’d help me which was nice. I did get very bullied here and was afraid to tell them how bad I wanted to die because I’d be put on P2, (precautionary status 2) which was a suidice where every 15 minutes they’d write what I was doing. That wasn’t bad but the bad thing is id get my phone calls taken away for crying too much. On March 15, my dad pulled me from SSA, and at that time, he was able to move back to New York City, I was so glad to be out.

In the following month if April 2022, I tried to commit suicide again, on April 19, 2022, I was sent to Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital, in New York City. At this time, my dead mother were out of my life. My dad tried making changes but it was hard a single parent. I was in Bellevue until June 1, 2022. Overall, my life has been very shitty, and to this day, I still have the extreme struggle of waking up everyday and wishing I was dead. I thank the people that were supportive of me over the past few years.

– Aimee Karlic